Fears and insecurities of a Human
InsideWe are often perceived and defined according to what we choose to portray and allow others to see. If we were to invite others into our deepest thoughts, insecurities, and fears, would that change how we relate or make those thoughts go away? I doubt it would all vanish, but I believe when we share a part of us, we are no longer strangers.
Many people see me as someone who is strong, confident, and has everything figured out. News flash:
I don’t feel strong and confident all the time;
I don’t have everything figured out;
I do have many fears and insecurities.
My fear of being inadequate sneaks in every now and then. With all the studying and experience, I still get triggered, especially in the presence of the “Harvards” and “PhDs” of this world. I compare, feel intimidated, and start to self-doubt. I do not show up fully in my brilliance.
A limiting belief somewhere deep in my psyche makes me assume they are more accomplished and know better. Like they have more to offer than I do.
This is a shadow. A shadow of not owning my gifts.
Today, I am grateful for the people who showed up in my life and helped me become aware of my fears. Over years of practice, I have learned to connect and communicate to this part of myself, asking which lessons need to be learned, and which parts need love and compassion. This helped me become more grounded and whole. I see myself more clearly now.
How are fears and insecurities linked?
Fears and insecurities are disturbing thoughts, they take up space in our minds, distract us from our essence, our enoughness, our resourcefulness. If we unconsciously let them control us, they become our reality. They usually show up as a lack of self-trust and shadows of uncertainty, as a result of an irrational interpretation of ourselves or our abilities.
Fear is an important human emotion that warns us of the presence of threats towards our physical, emotional, or psychological wellbeing. Such threats can be real or imagined. It also uses memories of past experiences, when pain was real, to “protect” you in the present moment, whenever that known pain is perceived to be imminent, it tries to keep us safe. This can be great when it comes to physical fears or previous pains – with your mind and body warning you not to cause the same physical pain again. But our emotional fears can be overpowering.
Fear of failure.
Fear of being judged.
Fear of being inadequate.
Fear of rejection or abandonment.
Fear of not being enough.
Rings a bell?
These fears hold us back, using patterns of comparison and avoidance that stop us from taking action altogether. It creates a powerful belief system, with a narrative that can take control of our lives. It all comes down to ‘enoughness’ and our fear that we are not enough for us or for others – we are not living enough, we are not earning enough, we are not funny/attractive/successful enough. ‘Enough’ allows us to constantly compare ourselves to others, creating a belief system filled with insecurities.
Insecurities are a natural response to fear but they are deceiving. They show up as emotional/physical triggers – such as anxiety, sadness, jealousy – and often result in feeling shame. We all strive for this unrealistic perfection, whereby we are strong, confident and successful all the time. When our insecurities stop us from achieving this image of perfection, we feel ashamed, embarrassed and as if everyone around us is reaching their goals except for us. Insecurities come from everywhere – from our childhood, from past or present experiences, from those around us that may have a negative impact on us.
Fear and insecurities run in a vicious cycle that does not take us anywhere. Literally. While keeping us comfortable and out of reach, it also shrinks us and denies us growth and transformation.
I shared with you about my impostor syndrome and that my biggest insecurity, is my intellect. That my inner critic’s dialogue whispering “I am never going to be as smart as them. They are more educated than me. I should have something smart to say or just stay in my lane”. Can you see the pattern of comparison and avoidance in these words?
But we are not alone in our self-doubt or insecurities. They exist in even the most confident-looking people. We need to look inside ourselves and identify these doubts in order to start to unravel and remove them from our lives.
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